I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
