Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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