who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I bet he comes in French.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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