party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
