You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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