Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
