I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
