Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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