Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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