Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
