Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone came in the potted fern
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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