8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have feelings that need drinking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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