if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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