FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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