my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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