Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
