I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
