i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize