somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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