i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
