i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
