The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
