Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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