I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
