I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Even my vagina gasped.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
