I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize