You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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