we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
