Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
