Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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