I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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