One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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