got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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