Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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