don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
