he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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