I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
