I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
