i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
