Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
