I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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