Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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