I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
