I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
