its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
