its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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