It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
