rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
only you would photoshop your dick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
