if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
