It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
