Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
