i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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