I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize