I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
