Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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