Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
