he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
