YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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