So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
