dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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