Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
