oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
