Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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