Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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