I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
