My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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